113. Why Stopping the Behavior Isn't the Same as Repairing the Harm
53m | Oct 28, 2026Featured Group: Men’s Intimacy Group
Thursdays, 6:00-7:30 pm Pacific | Facilitated by Susan Rankin
Building connection and learning to show up differently in relationships takes practice. Helping Couples Heal’s Men’s Intimacy Group offers a space for men who have betrayed to connect with others, strengthen their relational skills, and develop greater intimacy.
Learn More About the Men’s Intimacy Group
Upcoming In-Person Couples Workshop
November 5-6, 2026 | San Diego, California
Understanding the impact of betrayal is an important part of rebuilding safety, trust, and connection. In this two-day workshop, couples have the opportunity to learn more about betrayal trauma, develop a shared understanding of its impact, and explore what relational healing requires.
Learn More and Enroll in the Couples Workshop
In this episode, Marnie sits down with longtime colleague Jaclyn Schwartz, LMFT, to explore why understanding the trauma caused by betrayal is essential to relational healing. They discuss how betrayal can disrupt a partner’s sense of safety, trust, and reality, and why the impact often extends far beyond the original discovery.
Marnie and Jackie talk about the role of empathy, accountability, and co-regulation in helping a betrayed partner begin to feel safe again. They also explore how shame, defensiveness, emotional withdrawal, and continued violations of trust can keep couples stuck, even when the acting-out behavior has stopped.
This episode highlights why the person who caused the harm needs to develop a genuine understanding of the trauma their partner is experiencing, rather than expecting their partner to explain it or hurry toward healing. Together, they examine the relational skills that make repair possible, the importance of a shared understanding, and what it means to build a new relationship rather than trying to return to the one that existed before betrayal.
Healing together requires more than an apology or a change in behavior. It requires not just willingness, but a genuine desire to understand the harm, take responsibility, and show up differently.
Want to connect with us?
