Okay, we need y'all to sit down for this one because the nominees this week are chaotic on a spiritual level and we cannot get over it.

First up: a woman gets arrested in Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin for stealing an ambulance. Buck naked. Not a stitch on. And listen, if you can't steal an ambulance with your whole entire business hanging out in Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin — a place that sounds like it was invented by a hymnal — then where CAN you? We need answers.

Then we're heading to New Jersey, where a pizzeria decided the real crime wasn't the calzone prices, it was a family bringing in their OWN birthday cake. So now the pizzeria's out here doing press. Girl, nobody wants your tiramisu take. Sit down.

Meanwhile in Phoenix, a Shake Shack employee got arrested for allegedly robbing his OWN store. We're sorry, if you're gonna rob a Shake Shack, at least steal from the OTHER Shake Shack — have some professional pride!

And finally, we go to Vermont, where a grown man faked threatening texts to HIMSELF just to get out of doing tech crew for the local production of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Sir. SIR. You could've just said you had a cold. You chose felony-adjacent instead.

Naked getaways, cake-shaming pizzerias, a self-robbing burger guy, and a man who feared Rocky Horror more than the police — this week's Idiot of the Week has it ALL, and honey, we are not okay.

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Okay, we've got FOUR contenders this week and we are struggling to pick just one, because they're all so, so special.

First up: a man police find hiding under a mattress, and when they pull him out, his own mother tries to punch the officers on his behalf. Family loyalty, folks.

Then we've got a guy who gets drunk and decides the move is to unload multiple weapons at a County Sheriff's Office helicopter. Just... why. Why is that ever the move.

Next, we're heading to West Palm Beach for a man who allegedly faked being in a coma — a whole coma! — to cover up nearly $190,000 in embezzlement. The commitment to the bit is almost impressive. Almost.

And finally, we've saved the best for last: a fugitive on the run whose own dog leads police straight to his hiding spot. No loyalty there either, apparently.

Four idiots enter, one idiot leaves with the crown. Who's it gonna be? We're voting so let's get into it.

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This week on Idiot of the Week, we are wading into the deep end of America’s questionable decision‑making — and baby, the water is boiling.

First up, we have the man who dipped his finger into a Yellowstone hot spring like it was a free sample at Costco… then slipped, fell in, and met the world’s most scalding natural consequence. We’re not saying Darwin tapped him on the shoulder, but the universe definitely whispered, “Sir, no.”

Then we slide over to the Gen Z employee who got suspended for thirty days and said, “Bet,” packed a bag, and left the country. HR called him back after ten days, all huffy, trying to remind him that suspension is punishment, not PTO. And we’d like to remind HR that they are not your mama, and they cannot ground employees.

Meanwhile, influencers are out here getting bitten by sharks while chasing the perfect “I’m one with nature” thirst trap. We love ambition, but if your content plan includes “Step 3: Get lightly mauled,” maybe rethink the brand strategy.

And finally, a North Carolina “volunteer” wildlife rehabilitator was charged after five raccoons were seized from her home. Five. Raccoons. In the house. Ma’am, that’s not rehabilitation — that’s roommates.

Grab your snacks, your sense and your snark, and let’s get into it.

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This week in stupid . . .

Pickles the pickleball rooster is MISSING, y'all. $450 reward. We don't make the rules, we just judge the ransom.

Meanwhile some genius tried to bring an AI "attorney" into an actual courtroom, and the judge was NOT having it — sir, that's a chatbot in a blazer, sit down.

Then Lake County said hold my beer and gave us TWO charter school principals arrested for DUI, hours apart, same car. Carpool of shame. We need the group chat.

And a bank robber made the staff hold a stolen kitten while he finished writing his robbery note. Priorities, people. PRIORITIES.

We are on a mission to mock stupid. Join us. 

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We start with a man who saw his eye twitch and decided it was a bad omen. Now, most people would Google it, hydrate, maybe take a nap. Not this fool. No, he slapped himself in the eye until he lost sight. Baby, if your solution to a twitch is violence against your own face, you are the omen.

Then we move on to a young mom of two who walked into a restaurant wearing a tank top and declared it was “freezing.” And instead of asking for a different seat or putting on a cardigan like a person, she set a fire at her table. Because nothing warms the soul like felony arson over appetizers.

Next up: the Zoom coaster rider. Turns out — and we cannot stress this enough — your coworkers WILL notice if you’re on a roller coaster during a meeting. They will see the wind. They will hear the screaming. They will clock the loop‑de‑loop. And they will absolutely report you to HR.

And finally, we close with a Chinese man who decided to hand‑feed his pet snake. Hand. Feed. His. Snake. Baby, snakes don’t do gratitude. Snakes do bite, and this one took his thumb like it was a sampler platter.

It’s a full buffet of bad decisions, and we are here for it!!!!!

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This week on Idiot of the Week, we are diving head‑first into a buffet of foolishness so fresh it’s still steaming. First up, we meet a man who called the police to report his car stolen… while he was actively robbing a store. Baby, that’s not multitasking — that’s a cry for help from the last two brain cells fighting for custody.

Then America proves once again that we need to manage our fast‑food expectations. A woman in a McDonald’s drive‑thru allegedly slapped a man because he took too long ordering. We’re not saying she was wrong, but we are saying she was wrong. It’s McDonald’s, not the Michelin Guide.

Meanwhile in Florida — because of course — a woman on house arrest for stabbing a lover in Broward County decided to stab another lover in Miami‑Dade. Ma’am, ankle monitors are not “Buy One, Get One Free” coupons for crime.

And finally, a group of scientists decided to race spiders to determine which one of Satan’s interns is the fastest. We don’t know what grant paid for this, but we do know it wasn’t enough.

Who will win the coveted crown? The criminal who called the cops on himself, the slap‑happy drive‑thru diva, the double‑county stabber, or the spider‑racing science squad? Pull up a chair — the nonsense is piping hot.

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Baby, this week on Idiot of the Week, we are wading chest‑deep through the swamp of human decision‑making, and let me tell you… the gators aren’t the dangerous ones.

We kick things off in Florida — because of course we do — where a man is suing Waffle House for allegedly weaponizing their window ads. Yes, he claims the sign was so distracting that he tripped over an “abnormally high curb.” We’re asking the only reasonable question: how high does a curb have to be before it becomes a civil rights violation? 

Then we slide over to Chesapeake, where an inmate has filed a lawsuit against… himself. For getting drunk. And violating his own civil rights. We don’t know if this is self‑care, self‑harm, or self‑employment, but we do know it’s peak American jurisprudence.

Next up, a substitute teacher decided the lesson plan was optional and the twerk was mandatory. She threw the curriculum in the trash, declared herself a “million‑dollar prostitute,” and proceeded to give the kids a masterclass in What Not To Do In Any Profession Ever. We’re not saying she’s wrong about her valuation — we’re saying maybe keep that off the syllabus.

And finally, back to Florida — because gravity pulls us there — where a man was pulled over for speeding and the officer discovered 34 open cans of White Claw riding shotgun. Thirty‑four. That’s not a beverage choice; that’s a cry for help and a citrus‑flavored lifestyle.

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This week we are neck‑deep in the shallow end of humanity. We’re talking about a dentist who decided the real patient was herself and hit the laughing‑gas button like it was a Staples “Easy” button. Then there’s the mom who wouldn’t pay her grown son’s rent, so he drove his car into a university pool like he was auditioning for Fast & Furious: Financial Aid. We’ve also got an 85‑year‑old out here street racing with a cigarillo, proving once again that wisdom does not come with age, but apparently drag racing does. And finally, the alleged drunk driver who insisted the only thing he drank was the blood of Christ, which is bold, confusing, and deeply unhelpful to the officer holding the breathalyzer. Who will take home the crown, the sash, and the tiara of Idiot of the Week? Buckle up, babies — it’s a bumpy ride.

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Buckle up, baby, because this week’s Idiot of the Week is a full‑on buffet of foolishness, and we are serving it hot, spicy, and with a side of “What is wrong with people.”

We kick things off with the stand‑up comic who allegedly decided the best punchline was a bomb threat to Ohio Stadium. Because nothing says “I’m hilarious” like federal charges.

Then we slide—unwillingly—into the world of the landlord caught on camera doing the absolute most in his tenant’s apartment. And by “most,” we mean sex… followed by a sandwich. 

But wait, the Fireball Fairy has entered the chat. Police say a woman with 21 open bottles of Fireball crashed her car on a golf course. Twenty‑one. OPEN. Bottles. Sis wasn’t drinking—she was marinating.

And finally, we visit the kindergarten graduation ceremony that devolved into a full‑blown brawl over seating arrangements. Because nothing celebrates academic achievement like fists flying over folding chairs.

Who will be crowned the Idiot of the Week? Grab your beverage, your boundaries, and your blood pressure medication, because this one is a doozy.

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This week, we are serving up a four‑course tasting menu of foolishness so rich it should come with a Surgeon General’s warning. We kick things off with a mac & cheese mastermind who allegedly siphoned eighty thousand dollars out of a Chick‑fil‑A like he was running a dairy‑based Ponzi scheme. Because nothing says “financial freedom” like felony cheddar.

Then we hop over to our FedEx pharmaceutical entrepreneur who apparently thought the purple‑and‑orange truck was the perfect cover for a mobile narcotics boutique. “When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight” hits differently when it’s cocaine.

Next, we take a deep breath—because we have to—before discussing the Traverse City wine smuggler who allegedly stored a stolen bottle in a… personal storage compartment. We’re not saying she’s committed, but that is a level of dedication to wine that even Napa would call “ma’am, please don’t.”

And finally, we close with a Tesla truck owner who believed Elon Musk when he said it could cross a lake. Spoiler: it could not. The truck is now sleeping with the fishes, and the owner is sleeping in jail, hopefully far away from any large bodies of water or tech bros with big promises.

It’s Idiot of the Week—where the stories are real, the choices are questionable, and the laughter is mandatory.

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Baby, this week on Idiot of the Week, the competition is so tight you could cut it with the tension between two girlfriends showing up at the same man’s door. And what does our hero do? He steps outside with a rifle, like that was going to turn a love triangle into a teachable moment. Sir, you are not the Bachelor, you are the reason Ring cameras stay employed.

Then we slide over to Pasadena, where an officer accidentally shot another officer in a parking garage. A parking garage. The safest thing in a parking garage should be the cops, but apparently not today. We’re over here ducking behind concrete pillars like it’s a live‑action safety training video.

Next up, a man gets into a crash and then decides the natural next step is to carjack the woman who stopped to help him. Because nothing says “thank you for your kindness” like “give me your car, ma’am.” We are exhausted.

And finally, a shoplifting suspect was caught chugging Dulcolax like it was a sports drink. Baby, when your escape plan includes weaponizing your own digestive system, you have already lost.

So who wins the coveted crown? The man with the rifle, the officer with the accidental aim, the crash‑and‑carjack king, or the Dulcolax Daredevil? We don’t know, but we do know this: humanity is out here competing with itself, and the bar is in the basement.

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Oh honey, the animals are DONE with us. They have clocked in, put on their little nature‑issued name badges, and said, “We’re assisting law enforcement today.” And we are here for it.

First, we meet a tourist who tried to hand‑feed a wild bear, because apparently he thought he was Snow White instead of a man made of meat and bad decisions. The bear responded the only way a bear can: “Get out this car, Lunchable.” We are screaming, “Sir, this is not a petting zoo, this is a homicide in a fur coat.”

Then we glide on down to Florida — spiritual home of the Idiot of the Week — where a man at an airboat attraction allegedly got bit in the face by an alligator. In. The. Face. And now he’s suing for $50K, which feels like the Groupon price for “I met a prehistoric murder‑log with teeth.” But you know what? We support self‑esteem, even when it’s delusional.

But Louisiana said, “Hold my humidity.” A DUI suspect ran from deputies into a swamp, where an alligator rose up like a scaly hall monitor and said, “Oh, I’ll handle this.” The sheriff even issued a PSA: don’t drive impaired, don’t run from deputies, and DEFINITELY don’t hide in a swamp unless you want the wildlife to do a citizen’s arrest with their mouth.

This week’s lesson: When humans act a fool, the animals step in like, “We’ll take it from here.”

And honestly? We appreciate the backup.

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Baby, this week the Idiot Parade is marching loud, proud, and crunchy.

We kick things off with the insect breeder who was caught with 100,000 illegal cockroaches. One hundred. Thousand. Roaches. We are talking enough bugs to start a political party. We don’t know what’s worse — the crime or the confidence it takes to look at that many roaches and say, “Yeah, this seems fine.”

Then we slide over to the police station, where an officer allegedly pulled a gun on another officer over microwaved fish. Let us be clear: reheating fish in a shared space is a crime against humanity, but pulling a firearm? Sir, that is not conflict resolution, that is a cry for HR.

Next up: YouTuber Allen Ferrell, who managed to get himself banned from every Six Flags on Earth for eating chicken nuggets on a roller coaster. We have questions. Many questions. Starting with: how did he keep the dipping sauce from flying away at 90 mph?

And finally, MAGA fans are big mad — ticked off, even — about a $640 Trump Watch that is missing the "T". Yes, a watch, for "Rump". We don’t know if it tells time or just vibrates with judgment, but we do know that if you’re spending rent money on butt‑tech, something in your life needs recalibration.

So who will be the Idiot of the Week? Join us as we laugh, scream, and clutch our pearls while asking the eternal question: why are people like this.

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Oh honey… this week on Idiot of the Week, the bar is not just low — it’s subterranean. We are spelunking through the caves of human foolishness, and the stalactites are shaped like red flags.

We kick things off with a man whose response to being teased about his crumbling marriage was to get drunk and go full bulldozer rampage. Because nothing says “my relationship is fine” like operating heavy machinery while hammered and headed straight for jail.

Then we take to the skies — briefly — because a Qantas flight had to be diverted after a man bit a flight attendant. Sir, this is an airplane, not a petting zoo. Keep your teeth to yourself.

Back on the ground in Florida (of course), a man called 911 because a strip club denied him sex. We repeat: he called emergency services because the dancers followed the law. Florida stays Florida-ing.

And finally, we land in Georgia, where a Federal judge was reprimanded for having “loud sex” with a married police officer in her office. Ma’am. MA’AM. You are the law. You cannot also be the plot of a Cinemax after‑hours special.

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The contenders are fierce, the foolishness is premium, and the stupidity is artisanal. We’re talking a dog with a shotgun (yes, really), a driver who treated wet cement like a personal challenge, a Popeye’s break‑in that turned into a full‑on cooking show, and a substitute teacher who got so drunk they passed out in the pickup line like it was nap time. Buckle up — the Idiot of the Week crown is going to be hard‑earned.

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This week we are serving up a four‑course tasting menu of foolishness, and baby, it is chef’s kiss stupid.

We kick things off with a woman who called 911—the emergency line, the taxpayer‑funded hotline, the “help me, I’m dying” number—to report that no one would sell her drugs. Yes, apparently the real crime is customer service.

Then we head to an amusement park where riders were left dangling 200 feet in the air because someone decided that the perfect moment to check their phone was while hurtling through space at rollercoaster speeds. Because nothing says “I value my life” like risking everyone’s safety for a blurry selfie.

Next up: an airport traveler who thought they could casually stroll through security with 59 pounds of marijuana on their way to Europe. That’s not a carry‑on, that’s a career choice.

And finally, another passenger tried to smuggle 31 exotic reptiles—including pythons and water dragons—onto a plane. Because apparently TSA is just supposed to ignore the fact that your pants are hissing.

It’s a banner week for humanity, and by “banner” we mean “the bar is on the floor and somehow they still tripped over it.” Who will be the idiot of the week? Let's face it, they all deserve it!

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This week on Idiot of the Week, chaos reigns as we celebrate a fresh batch of overachievers in the field of foolishness. First up: a Florida surgeon who apparently skipped the chapter on “knowing your organs” and managed to remove the wrong one. Then we head to a shared‑wall hellscape where two petty residents wage war by blasting “ghostly mountain sounds” for ten hours a day, proving that vengeance is a lifestyle choice.

Across the globe, a Chinese man lived eight years—EIGHT—with a chopstick lodged in his throat, which raises many questions and answers none. And finally, in Marion County, a criminal mastermind steals tools and makes his daring getaway… on a tricycle. Yes. A tricycle.

Come listen, laugh, and remember: somewhere out there, an idiot is working overtime just for you.

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This week feels like it was organized by a committee of sleep‑deprived raccoons.

Senate Republicans have now blocked a resolution to stop Krump’s escalating conflict with Iran for the seventh time — because apparently the eighth time is when democracy magically kicks in. Meanwhile, the Senate has confirmed Kevin Warsh, a man widely described as a probable sock puppet, to run the Federal Reserve. Yes, the institution that controls interest rates may now be chaired by someone who lives with Trump's hand in his vestibule.

Vice President J.D. Vance announced that $1.3 billion in federal Medicaid reimbursements will be withheld from California, because nothing says “public service” like yanking healthcare funding from the people who need it most.

Over at Homeland Security, the inspector general has launched an investigation into ICE’s $38 billion warehouse‑to‑detention pipeline, a program started under former DHS Secretary Kisti Noem, who apparently thought “industrial‑scale incarceration” was a fun arts‑and‑crafts project.

And in a move that would make even the most shameless ethics lawyer weep into their coffee, Trump’s Justice Department is “discussing” whether to settle Trump’s own $10 billion lawsuit against the IRS — an agency he oversees. Because why just blur the lines when you can set them on fire and dance on the ashes.

Republican lawmakers in South Carolina, Louisiana, Missouri, Alabama, and Georgia continue their coordinated push to disenfranchise Black voters, proving once again that voter suppression is the one tradition they refuse to retire.

Finally, during a late‑night Truth Social posting spree, Trump labeled former President Obama a “traitor,” a “demonic force,” and part of a coup — accusations that appear to be based on absolutely nothing except the fumes of his own insomnia.

All that, plus the usual laughs, side‑eyes, and righteous rants. Buckle up.

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Baby, this week on Idiot of the Week, we are clutching our pearls, our purses, and our pancreas because the stupid is coming at us from every direction and none of it has pants on.

We kick things off in central Florida — of course we do — where some tourists decided the best way to honor their vacation memories was to STRAP A DEAD ALLIGATOR TO THE ROOF OF THEIR CAR like it was a Christmas tree. We said it before and we’ll say it again: Florida is not well, and neither are the people visiting it. We are talking about full‑on Weekend at Bernie’s: Swamp Edition.

Then we head to New York, where a Judge had to dismiss a $100,000 lawsuit because somebody claimed a taqueria’s hot sauce was too spicy. Too spicy. For one hundred thousand American dollars. Let us tell you something: if your tongue is filing legal paperwork, the problem is not the sauce.

Next up, we take a detour to North Carolina, where the Mayor is REFUSING to resign after allegedly showing up to a town hall pantsless. Pants. Less. And we’re supposed to just continue the meeting like this is a normal Tuesday. Sir, if your thighs are out, your term is over.

And finally — because the universe insists on testing us — we ask the question no one wanted answered: would you use cadaver fat for a boob job or a butt lift? Because apparently some people already said yes. We are talking about From Beyond the Grave: The Cosmetic Edition. We didn’t need this information, but now we can’t unknow it.

Strap in, pull up your pants, and grab your emotional support hot sauce. It’s gonna be a ride.

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Okay, sit down, buckle up, and grab your good sense — because this week in stupid did NOT come to play. We are LOADED.

First up, somebody promised the people a Barbie dream experience and delivered a full-on nightmare. Pink was a lie. The glamour was a lie. Honey, even Ken would've asked for a refund.

Then — THEN — a Florida man. Yes, Florida. Again. Let ChatGPT sell his house. Not a realtor. Not a human being with a license and accountability. An AI chatbot. We have questions. We have SO many questions. Starting with: sir, where are you living RIGHT now?

But wait — we're not done, because an arson suspect showed up to a police interview with singed eyebrows. SINGED. EYEBROWS. We cannot stress this enough — if you are suspected of setting a fire, perhaps arrive with your face fully intact. We're just saying.

And finally, two family members got arrested at their own matriarch's funeral for brawling. At the funeral. Of their family member. We don't know what grandma did, but clearly she left some unfinished business — and apparently, so did her people.

This week, stupid came dressed up, showed out, and forgot to think. Let's get into it. 

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