(On Hiatus)*Trigger warning: some episodes we discuss drugs/self-harm/sexual trauma, ect.* AJ shares his experiences with BPD, anxiety, and depression along with his husband Cris. Together they discuss their relationship&#39;s special challenges, mental health issues, and their lives as introverts. Our goal is to share personal struggles and different mental health journeys. We are not mental health professionals and have no mental health qualifications but our own experiences. We&#39;re just two introverts in love dealing with life.♥️ For ad-free episodes, become a Patron! https://borderlineidealist.com/links

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/7da12645-8457-4cd1-a99c-59e92b9f5fff_F2021-10-11_2F7de339a52e88d4eae638ae645cd88b81.m4a

A song to help you use the STOP skill to the tune of &#34;Stop,&#34; by Spice Girls! 
Music, video, acting, directed and produced by Aj!
More song on the way!

Lyrics:

PERSON: I&#39;ve heard you talk about the stop skill but I can never use it 
AJ: why?
PERSON: I just can&#39;t remember to use it!
AJ: well I have a fun way that can help you to remember it!
PERSON: really? Okay!
AJ: it&#39;s a song that came up with. PERSON: okay!
AJ: and I&#39;m going to have to sing right now so... PERSON: .. Oh no thank you
AJ: Too late! Let&#39;s say:

Someone just walked in,
They make you frown,
For some reason you don&#39;t think they like you. 
It&#39;s how your friends are charmed away, 
Distracted from what you were saying.
Trying to stay grounded but those strong feelings, 
Makes you want to show them how bad your feeling, 
Youre Lost in a daze,
The stranger steps your way,
With a smile, asking how you&#39;re doing?

You&#39;re angry from being pushed aside, 
You want to run out of the room and cry, 
That feeling so intense,
Recognize when you&#39;re about to lose it.

PERSON: Okay, so that&#39;s when I...

STOP right now!
Take a step back,
Observe your surroundings, what your feeling,
Find the facts?
Proceed now mindfully. Don&#39;t go overreactioning, So you won&#39;t regret a thing.
La la la la
Remember feelings don&#39;t last forever
La la la la
If you use stop things will turn out better.
You feel angry like you&#39;ve been deserted,
But acting out right now just isn&#39;t worth it,
You&#39;re right to feel the emotions you do,
But resist the thrill of getting even! Acting on them
Consider being wise beyond your years,
Recall the times you went apeshit on peers,
Never makes you look too good,
When you&#39;re telling everyone you didn&#39;t get what you deserve!

STOP right now!
Take a step back,
Observe your surroundings, what your feeling,
What are the fact?
Proceed now mindfully. 
Don&#39;t go overreactioning, 
So you won&#39;t regret a thing.
When you feel, 
Eyebrows arching, 
Temperature rising, 
Hands clenched, 
Arms stiff,
You know it&#39;s time to stop that ship!


Stop! - DBT skill song

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/d0843f20-cbe1-4891-8bd3-9f52a9998e18_F2021-10-04_2F870b2ca77ad68e699f13e3d4ba57bc23.m4a

Being assertive means having the ability to speak up for ourselves in a way that is honest and respectful. You have the right to express your view point and the responsibility to speak up. In this episode, we discuss finding and practicing your assertive voice. We reenact Aj being assertive and Cris shutting down, and both our viewpoints on how we view the situation and respond.

Is it rude to be assertive?

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/eeadf297-6846-4be7-ad1a-e1e484c19591_F2021-10-12_2Fdba104df7c108e328342c2d94a961148.m4a

AJ has tried many methods to find—but most importantly maintain—the motivation to accomplish many of his long and short term goals. Over the years, he&#39;s struggled with setting goals and seeing them through, staying on task, or simply not feel overwhelmed by his tasks. When he&#39;s failed, he&#39;s riddled with feelings of guilt and disappointment, which overtime turn into depression and a sense of hopelessness. We&#39;re excited—and a little nervous—to talk to you about a new system that has truly made a big difference in the first week of implementation. Today, we&#39;re talking about a new app called Habitica. We hope this honest discussion about goals, failure, and perseverance, will inspire you to get back up, dust yourself off, and try a new approach.

Gamify Good Habits

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/88cf7cca-4392-48e9-b658-99a800ed49b8__2F2021-7-15_2F212579953-48000-2-9c23a4e2b4cd7.mp3

We&#39;re excited to sit down with musician Coughlin to talk about his experience in the music industry and his commitment to mental health awareness. Go to Coughlin&#39;s Instagram to Pre-Save his upcoming single, &#34;Ridin&#34; as heard in the intro of this episode. www.instagram.com/coughlinmusic

Coughlin: Music & Mind

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/4bf6a0fc-b680-4b9a-b68e-5fe17bbe4fd7_F2021-10-12_2Fb8406cf87f6239702ede197f73bbb10a.m4a

Learn about complex post-traumatic stress disorder with us, and a common symptom called structural disassociation common with people with BPD. 


C-PTSD & Structural Dissociation

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/42d296a3-6dd4-473c-a78e-96606f5c6768_F2021-10-12_2F1ec0f876f4fb4032660a44566509e4ef.m4a

Come along with us on our morning walk! — Negative self-talk has always been in my mind passed down to me by my father. After having a discussion with him I realized I don&#39;t need his approval to succeed and we are now estranged. It took almost 30 years of my life to realize he never knew the real me, but saw me as a commodity just like my mother. I decided not to be used by them anymore to take control of my life. Healing doesn&#39;t mean forgiving, It means telling yourself that you were not responsible for what happened. It wasn&#39;t you, it was them. Now it&#39;s time to be responsible for yourself. -AJ


Confronting Childhood Trauma

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/5316a619-0c59-4303-8394-b137ef0b6f8f_F2021-10-12_2Ff4b68b7bde85dd43aabbc94ec9a0c7f6.m4a

My self-esteem is in the gutter. I didn&#39;t realize how bad it was. I&#39;m haunted by expectations and perfectionism.My positive self-talk is there, but sometimes the negative voices win. So, I&#39;m beginning a journey to reprogram myself so I&#39;m not always playing the villain. I want to motivate myself not to belittling myself, but build myself up! -AJ


Healing from old wounds

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/f917cf35-0737-446c-bd3f-3aacbec9972e_F2021-10-12_2F56218eae765bcaa06255ac7a5a757d59.m4a

May is mental health awareness month, and also BPD awareness month. Both are important to expose people to the truth about mental health issues and fight stigma. 


Mental Health + BPD Awareness Month

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/f7550198-6a96-412f-b884-b7dd87b2fa98_F2021-10-12_2Fc2f3bf8f33f7f8b8f1d183fcc4293f27.m4a

Update on AJ&#39;s structure and schedule and how we can motivate ourselves out of procrastination. 


If not now, then when?

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/78192b03-f388-4019-9f3a-b13627487ffe_F2021-04-03_2F45c6b91134f8e1817e0585897ac95c59.m4a

It&#39;s Friday, so I want to get as many things done as possible. Usually cleaning a room takes extra time (more than an hour), also because I&#39;m trying not to be distracted by social media. Etsy, poetry, and #artistproblems included! 


Day 10 of Structure: TGIF

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/13f328a8-847e-4f40-98dc-c886874d917b_F2021-04-02_2F555b3cae745495a35906fcdc25bbe8a4.m4a

Another day, another dinner. I really had a good day today. 


Day 9 of Structure: It Gets Better

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/292ef3d2-adb2-4259-81f4-36e1e0ab05f5_F2021-04-01_2Fb40046b66a454b11e5a40aed99b58122.m4a

There are important things to do each day (making an appointment, calling a friend, emergencies, ect.) but don&#39;t let that slow you down! No one is perfect, but hell, we can try right? 


Day 8 - Focus on Priorities

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/f37427bc-e7d8-4d9d-bcbd-5ebfbb9c820e_F2021-03-31_2F91aee9a0540e8a2dc711dd29ecd52e7a.m4a

Recovering from a depressing day, I come to terms with my doubts and fear that seem inescapable. Press on! 


Day 7 of Structure: Picking up the pieces

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/b723c679-a127-4ea2-bdf5-a99d603c04da_F2021-03-31_2F99c6d663584263b706a4a28955ed48e6.m4a

Monday was a hard day. I want to concentrate on my life, but thinking about it got me pessimistic. But I won&#39;t stop! *episode contains talk of suicide*


Day 6 of Structure: Structure, Interrupted!

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/81c675b0-ac4e-40f2-bed0-9ab760938afa_F2021-10-12_2Fdf6954f9e704797cc177eb4520b567c2.m4a

What happens when you fail? What even is failure? On this episode we discuss the missteps, roadblocks, and our eventual relapse into our old schedule despite the efforts set in motion 2 weeks ago. More importantly, we discuss how to learn and pivot to pursue our goals more efficiently and intelligently. 


Relapse & Failure

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/b4dc9beb-b588-4c88-a273-a708644e7331_F2021-03-20_2Fe83aea035fe087421a43b3e88c0dd598.m4a

What have I learned so far? Weekends are non-negotiable! And also, I love the feeling of focus and motivation in the sun. 


Day 5 of Structure

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/36f3b861-84eb-464c-828b-9d8bf7a0c221_F2021-03-19_2F584f67e4819935803ffdc03c9ae2c0b8.m4a

Trying hard to get what I want done to better myself and my surroundings. 


Day 4 of Structure

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/15369892-8727-4646-95e4-a07d2c544ad5_F2021-03-18_2F28eddf493d85ec422855b11a528d1596.m4a

Day 3 of Structure

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/b6c8ba8b-24de-41c6-b035-b40a8e358866_F2021-03-17_2Fe6a5c0a2818b0e28c478391aec85cbe4.m4a

Wasn&#39;t a perfect day. A lot of factors affected how my day turned out. The importance of the schedule is being able to get the things done that I want to get done in a timely manner. I feel like I didn&#39;t do my best today. I can&#39;t wait to try again tomorrow! 😳


Day 2 of Structure

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2021/10/14/1/309e738e-66b7-46ef-b886-8ada877e14d4_F2021-03-16_2Ff765a1e804405a3752255e6f574b77f4.m4a

First day of my schedule! Monday is here. This is how it went. The ups, the downs, the cats 🐈


Day 1 of Structure

(On Hiatus)*Trigger warning: some episodes we discuss drugs/self-harm/sexual trauma, ect.* AJ shares his experiences with BPD, anxiety, and depression along with his husband Cris. Together they discuss their relationship's special challenges, mental health issues, and their lives as introverts. Our goal is to share personal struggles and different mental health journeys. We are not mental health professionals and have no mental health qualifications but our own experiences. We're just two introverts in love dealing with life.♥️ For ad-free episodes, become a Patron! https://borderlineidealist.com/links