- 136. im changing and i'm terrified of what it might cost me, wbu?
This episode is a confession, an homage to honesty, a bid of vulnerability on a deeply personal shift happening in my life that I've let through a couple of episodes but I haven't unearthed fully because -
Well,
I've been believing lies that have kept me scared and stuck.
Yes, even (ESPECIALLY) Miss.FiguringSh!tOutYapsALotPodcastHost has fear and doubt that chokes her up.
In this episode, I share what it’s like to find yourself standing between two voices:
The voice of fear and the voice of truth.
And how to discern between the two.
We touch on healing, EMDR, perfectionism, somatic work, and these hidden lies that keep us stuck long after we’ve outgrown them.
This is Figuring Sh!t Out - in it's deepest essence.
A real-time reflection on what it looks like to be unraveling the stories you've told yourself about who you are expected to be in order to survive, knowing that life is more than just surviving, and honoring that most of the things that scare the sh!t out of you don't just scare the sh!t out of you because of all that you have to lose -
But also, mostly, more importantly -
because of ALL that you have to gain.
--
METAMORPHOSIS: a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
24-Hour FREE Metamorphosis Pass
Get immediate access to our June workshop where we explore perfectionism, fear, comparison, creativity, and the difference between the voices that keep us stuck and the ones that call us forward.
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy28m - Jun 7, 2026 - 135. you DON'T actually have to show up perfectly to show up at all: A Revelation!
and how much of ourselves have we lost deciding that how we are, as we are, is not enough?
how much of our very nature has been stripped away, chipped away, from the gnawing need to be complete?
complete by what measure, by what degree?
by whose decree?
where did we learn that if it wasn’t done perfectly, then it shouldn’t be done at all?
that 0% until we can miraculously have 100% is better than 1% every day?
what freezes within us that causes us to choke at the words we yearn to say and long to express but don’t trust will come out “right” or “perfectly?”
what radical judgements have we internalized?
who told us that we were wrong? why did we believe them?
and why is it now, ourselves, who tell us we are wrong every day we begin something and learn we are bad at first, commit to something then let our second thoughts become our first, pine for freedom yet cut our tongue from speaking the words that free us?
-
in this episode, we get real about the lie that is: "when i'm ready," and how it's really just code for: "when i'm willing to face the fear on the other side of pursuing something very real and very deep and very important to me,"
and i share with you how i'm navigating the exact same thing.
--
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- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
--
LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy33m - May 31, 2026 - 134. SELF DISCIPLINE? for FREEDOM??? unfortunately yes.
The difference between your strongest desire and your deepest desire might just be what you're not seeing.
----
Want more? Join METAMORPHOSIS - a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
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- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy26m - May 24, 2026 - 133. One! Step! At! A! Mf! TIME!!! slow DOWN.
for anyone who feels like they're behind:
a path is formed by walking
a path is formed by walking
a path
is formed
by
walking.
--
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- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
--
LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy21m - May 17, 2026 - 132. Creating Without Validation? Horrifying. Necessary. Life-Changing.
"If no one sees your art, it is still revolution. You freed yourself, did you not?" - Jayla John
In this episode, we talk about how creativity could heal you - if you just let it.
And how to let it.
And if you need a little more help,
--
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LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy28m - May 9, 2026 - 131. Being SEEN? Perceived???? OH! The Terror! (how to get tf over it)
let your tenderness speak, let it lead you into darkness, and let your darkness lead you into light.
--
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- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
-
LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy41m - May 3, 2026 - 130. Waiting. Yearning. Chasing. You're MISSING The Point™
My darling, I have news for you.
You are here to feel safe enough, trusting enough - to pause, land, and unravel your very existence at the feet of something loving.
And if you are, (like too many of us are) living a frantic, disordered life, one that feels like you’re chasing a plot that never comes -
If you are clogging your heart with unwarranted worries -
If you are unknowingly caught in the hamster wheel of more, more, more -
Stop right there.
Have you noticed lately:
The sky? The tulips? The daffodils? The wind?
Have you listened to Figuring Sh!t Out on a good ol' day while strolling softly?
Let these things ground you down and bring you back.
I love you.
--
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- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
--
LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
Socials:
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy40m - Apr 26, 2026 - 129. Your Self-Doubt Is None of Your Business
How to hear the call of your divine assignment & listening to your Sacred Marching Orders - beyond what the inner critic has to say.
-
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- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
-
LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
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I LOVE YOU!!
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy29m - Apr 19, 2026 - 128. This is What Happens When You Face Your Fears & Follow Your Dreams
This episode is your reminder that there is a future version of you who is thanking you deeply for doing it scared.
This episode is proof that the first step is always the courage to admit.
This episode is proof that you WILL figure it out, even if you have no f*cking clue how.
How do I know?
Three years ago, I started this show in my bedroom while working full time in Corporate America.
Two years ago, the night before I ran my first marathon, I recorded this episode - breaking through a shaky voice to utter the words, "I want to do this full time."
One year ago, I was 6 months out of quitting my job to Figure Sh!t Out full time.
And today, I can confidently say that I know that I am where I'm meant to be. And that Figuring Sh!t Out along the way is part of the damn process.
I did it scared. I am DOING it scared.
And this episode is a sign that You can too.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
----
Want more? Join METAMORPHOSIS - a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
GET 10% OFF YOUR MONTHLY METAMORPHOSIS NOW WITH THE CODE 10OFF: HERE (monthly)
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Inside you'll have access to:
- Journey's like the 10 day Creative Awakening & Inner Child Healing Journey and 5 Day Somatic Expression Perfectionism Journey
- Weekly live sessions (Artist’s Hours + Shadow-Workshops) (Also recorded)
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- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
-
LEAVE A COMMENT! ENGAGE! Interact!! Say hi!! let me know how FSO has impacted your life!! Rate the podcast 5 stars, follow it, and share with a friend.
I LOVE YOU!!
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy46m - Apr 11, 2026 - 127. Give it UP: Receiving Freedom From Doubt, Worry, & Fear
"I believe that your highest path lives in the hands of a greater knowing.
And the cure to all of your anxieties lies in that subtle desire to reach for these hands when you know you need them most.
But what if I told you - that you actually need them all the time? And that they’ve been silently guiding your steps - here, in this moment, to receive these words, so that you can see that you are being given help, direction, grace, guidance - if you just ask for it.
So many of us WANT help. We NEED help. But we won’t ask for it. We don’t know how. We don’t know that we can. And the truth is: many of us won't humble ourselves for a mere moment, removing the idea that it’s all up to us, in order to receive it.
We are committed to our helplessness, our hopelessness, our story that it’s all us to us - because that means we get to stay in control, even if it means we’re miserable.
If there is a small seed of belief in you already, water it with intention. Thank it for existing.
And if you worry that it will not grow, that it does not exist - pray for clarity of vision to see it sprout right in front of your eyes, and open yourself to receive it.
And I can nearly guarantee - that you will receive that and so much more." - An excerpt from my essay written for this episode
This discussion is about the absolute emotional alchemy that occurs when you lean on the power of prayer & give your worries, doubts, and fears up to something much larger, greater, and more knowing than you could ever be.
I share how my spiritual journey is changing day by day and what practices and tools I'm leaning on - and how to begin implementing these tools of purification and surrender in your life.
---
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- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
--
The best way to show love to this show???? LEAVE A COMMENT! ENGAGE! Interact!! Say hi!! let me know how FSO has impacted your life!! rate the podcast 5 stars, follow it, and share with a friend.
I LOVE YOU!!
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy32m - Apr 5, 2026 - 126. Your Ideas are BLESSINGS: The Divine Unraveling Inside of the Creative Process
This episode is being posted live from a jungle in Costa Rica two days after hosting my first retreat. 15 women expressing their most true selves, accessing their inner child, creating art from the depths of their hearts - all because I had an idea for a podcast almost three years ago and decided to act on it.
If that's not evidence that your ideas are blessings that must be honored, respected, and listened to - I don't know what is.
In this episode, we talk about the divine workings inside of the creative process - from conception, to discovery, to creation.
If you know you have more inside of you waiting to emerge and blossom and be let free, if you're scared to be bad in order to be good, if you're scared to be seen but crave to be known -- this episode is the reminder you need to tap into the flow that wants to call you forward.
--
Want more? Join METAMORPHOSIS - a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
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Inside you'll have access to:
- Journey's like the 10 day Creative Awakening & Inner Child Healing Journey and 5 Day Somatic Expression Perfectionism Journey
- Weekly live sessions (Artist’s Hours + Shadow-Workshops) (Also recorded)
- A growing library of meditations, practices, and resources (& Monthly Themes)
- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
-
STAY CONNECTED:
TIKTOK: @butterflyfountain
If you liked this episode, you'll like these, too:
Stop sleeping on your potential
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy27m - Mar 29, 2026 - 125. Everything You Want Is On the Other Side of Your Creativity
Creativity & self-expression is how you heal.
This episode is about excavating your creativity - using your life and experiences as a devoted practice to the creative process and your art as an offering and symbol of your resilience.
And on the other side - a powerful, potent, peaceful you emerges.
-
Want more? Join METAMORPHOSIS - a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
GET 10% OFF YOUR MONTHLY METAMORPHOSIS NOW WITH THE CODE 10OFF: HERE (monthly)
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HEAR WHAT MEMBERS ARE SAYING ABOUT METAMORPHOSIS
Inside you'll have access to:
- Journey's like the 10 day Creative Awakening & Inner Child Healing Journey and 5 Day Somatic Expression Perfectionism Journey
- Weekly live sessions (Artist’s Hours + Shadow-Workshops) (Also recorded)
- A growing library of meditations, practices, and resources (& Monthly Themes)
- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
-
LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
Socials:
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy25m - Mar 21, 2026 - 124. The Gift of Enduring
Who told us that we were not supposed to hurt - when to feel is our greatest gift?
Who told us that we could have ease - without a little grit?
This episode takes you on a journey discussing The Purification Process of the Dark Night of the Soul & the GIFT of enduring the transformation within it.
(Spoiler: You Can Do Hard Things & in fact, you were made to.)
After all, the darkest hour is right before dawn.
----
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- A growing library of meditations, practices, and resources (& Monthly Themes)
- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
--
LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy37m - Mar 14, 2026 - 123. The Veil is Dropping: God is Real
Honest admittance: I'm a little scared to publish this episode.
But what would Figuring Sh!t Out be if it wasn't a testament to overcoming fear, time and time again, by getting as deeply honest as possible and sharing truths from this raw and reflective place?
This is Figuring Sh!t Out - in real time.
This episode is an existential conversation about God, Existence, and using our critical thinking and discernment when approaching spirituality. (From a girl who has not, up until recently, used a lot of discernment when approaching spirituality.)
It is a journey reflecting upon my own - and one that I simply ask you allow to let you question, let you think, let you feel your own inner judgements as they arise, let you wonder about the beliefs you're married to, and reflectively ask: is this my own?
Topics covered in this episode:
- reflections from turning 26: how almost dying at birth gave way to a sentimental thought-daughter with lots of existential questions
- i am reading the bible?? for the first time?? ever?? (and tbh i would recommend and if you're immediately like "no," yes that was me too up until last week. lowkey profound.)
- getting out of the way to receive (including putting your ego aside) and how this connects us to artistry + God
- critically thinking: spirituality / new age as a trend (that i have also fallen into) and why it's not the whole story
- impure vs pure actions / intentions and how that impacts the quality of the information we receive
- surrendering: we were never meant to do it all alone
- discernment
- God as The Judge vs God as Love: getting curious, seeing beyond religious dogma
- shattering your own illusions as a ragebait for your inner evolution & growth
- the fallibility of self-help / development content: you do not have to (and were never meant to) do it all on your own
- the fallibility of our flesh & bone - the necessity of humility & respect
- how this all helps you do hard things
- God vs The Universe
Thank you for being on this journey with me.
LEAVE A COMMENT & let me know WHAT this episode provoked in you, what questions you have (bc tbh I may also be having them), what you want to hear next, and how Figuring Sh!t Out has impacted your life.
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy52m - Mar 7, 2026 - 122. Stop Sleeping On Yourself + Wake UPPP To Your Potential!!
There's your potential - and then there's the power that you DECIDE to have to embody it.
And it is a decision.
One you must make every day.
This episode is a short tough-love transmission reminding you of your limitlessness, your inevitability, the power of your deepest truth when it is aligned in the actions of your highest path, and serves as a first-step to what you know you're ready to move towards.
Let this be your reminder: you cannot change what you do not accept.
& Let this be your anchor: acceptance is the first step to full surrender and the catalyst to change.
So - what are you avoiding that you know you need to do? Why have you been avoiding it? What are you unwilling to face in yourself, that you are ready to change? And what has this avoidance taken from you?
Are you actually showing up in a way that will give you every possible chance to succeed? Or are you sleeping on yourself, waving your potential in front of your face while day-dreaming and pretending that's enough to actually *change?*
I believe in you. But that doesn't matter.
What matters is: Do you believe in you? Are you acting like you do?
Because the truth is: what you're not changing is what you're choosing.
---
Want more? Join METAMORPHOSIS - a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
GET 10% OFF YOUR MONTHLY METAMORPHOSIS NOW WITH THE CODE 10OFF: HERE (monthly)
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HEAR WHAT MEMBERS ARE SAYING ABOUT METAMORPHOSIS
Inside you'll have access to:
- Journey's like the 10 day Creative Awakening & Inner Child Healing Journey and 5 Day Somatic Expression Perfectionism Journey
- Weekly live sessions (Artist’s Hours + Shadow-Workshops) (Also recorded)
- A growing library of meditations, practices, and resources (& Monthly Themes)
- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
-
TIKTOK: @butterflyfountain
Sign up for the mailing list <3 - you get a free energy protection meditation when you sign up!
Socials:
TIKTOK: @butterflyfountain
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy17m - Mar 1, 2026 - 121. Befriending Uncertainty inside of This Great Cosmic Unfolding we call LIFE
here are my fieldnotes from learning to fall in love with uncertainty again and again and again instead of resist and fear it:
- the point of life is not to figure sh!t out - and sometimes we have to get so lost in the figuring sh!t out that we have a great big wake up call that reminds us of that
- wherever you go, there you are
- life is continuing education. we are here to learn. to have fun. to enjoy. to explore. to LIVE.
- you don't find your purpose looking for your purpose, you find it when you let go
- puttering is very important. very essential. very necessary.
- there is time. there is always time. there is always far more time than you think that there is.
- the ultimate and grand cosmic paradox is that you learn to be at peace when you become at peace with not always being at peace
i love you. thank you for being on this journey with me. for showing love, support, and your affections.
if you love the show, comment! rate! subscribe! follow! stay up to date! beautiful things are HERE and they are also always coming.
x
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy29m - Feb 21, 2026 - 120. Meeting the Inner Elder: The Gift of Aging
A conversation about girlhood and growing older, embracing the vessel and the life of the body, and embodying the wisdom of life through the preciousness of it's fragility.
With my dearest friend, Phia.
May this episode allow you to see life through the eyes of your inner elder.
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Want more? Join METAMORPHOSIS - a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
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Inside you'll have access to:
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--
THANK YOU for listening!! If you love FSO & this episode, leave a comment!! Tell me what resonated, share what you want to hear next <3 Don't forget to rate the podcast on your preferred streaming platform!! <3
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TIKTOK: @butterflyfountain
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy33m - Feb 15, 2026 - 119. You Were Meant to Love and You Were Made to Feel
to remain tender is a gift.
this episode is an exploration of everything i've learned about love.
put simply:
"we have all known the bliss of sunshine hitting our skin on a cold day, and we have all belly laughed until our breaths disappeared, and we have all come home chewed up by the world and sunken deep into a familiar withering, and we are all either healing from something or learning how to hold it, running from something or learning how to return - because we have all loved and we have all lost, and we have all mistaken losing for a promise that it was never safe to love. and we have all been wrong about that."
- from my essay "let me remember you" which you can read here on my Substack
--
Want more? Join METAMORPHOSIS - a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
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Inside you'll have access to:
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Sign up for the mailing list <3 - you get a free energy protection meditation when you sign up!
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy43m - Feb 8, 2026 - 118. Actually, Life is Beautiful and You DO Have Time.
If the devil can't get to you, he will make you rush.
"We think our limits live in the dreams we don’t chase, in the tasks we put off, in the emotions that we avoid - but they’re most alive in all of the small ways we deny our right to enjoy life.
In the ferocious hurry between movements, in the relentless devotion to our False God of Control that promises certainty we never actually find.
We yearn for love, but refuse to let life touch us.
Even when it’s right in our hands - fragrant, bright, asking only to be received, we mistake consumption for communion." - Realizations from Near Death
Let this episode bring you home.
-—
Want more? Join METAMORPHOSIS - a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
GET 10% OFF YOUR MONTHLY METAMORPHOSIS NOW WITH THE CODE 10OFF: HERE (monthly)
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HEAR WHAT MEMBERS ARE SAYING ABOUT METAMORPHOSIS
Inside you'll have access to:
- Journey's like the 10 day Creative Awakening & Inner Child Healing Journey and 5 Day Somatic Expression Perfectionism Journey
- Weekly live sessions (Artist’s Hours + Shadow-Workshops) (Also recorded)
- A growing library of meditations, practices, and resources (& Monthly Themes)
- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
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If You Liked this Episode - You'll Like This One, Too!
I Had A Spiritual Awakening Running a Marathon
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy36m - Jan 31, 2026 - 117. And Suddenly, Your Dreams Start Chasing YOU
"I learned how to reach for my dreams with a shaky hand. And time and time again, I’ve seen that once they are in my palms - it makes no difference if I really believe they should be there or not. Because here they are. In my hands. I cannot drop them. I have claimed them. They are a gift and yet - they have always been mine."
- an excerpt from my most recent essay "Dreams" (which I read to you in this episode <3)
This episode sits inside of the humbling silence of realizing you've been playing it small when you've always been meant to shine - that you've been playing it safe when you've always been divinely protected to expand.
Your dreams already believe in you.
There is nothing to change here, nothing to fix, and nothing to do.
There is only remembering.
---
Want more? Join METAMORPHOSIS - a creative nervous-system led sanctuary designed to help you move through fear, trust your voice, and express what's inside of you - in COMMUNITY.
GET 10% OFF YOUR MONTHLY METAMORPHOSIS NOW WITH THE CODE 10OFF: HERE (monthly)
GET 20% OFF WITH A QUARTERLY MEMBERSHIP: HERE
HEAR WHAT MEMBERS ARE SAYING ABOUT METAMORPHOSIS
Inside you'll have access to:
- Journey's like the 10 day Creative Awakening & Inner Child Healing Journey and 5 Day Somatic Expression Perfectionism Journey
- Weekly live sessions (Artist’s Hours + Shadow-Workshops) (Also recorded)
- A growing library of meditations, practices, and resources (& Monthly Themes)
- A private community space for connection, expression, and collaboration
- 25% off future retreats / Free NYC events
-
IF YOU LOVE FSO, LEAVE A COMMENT <3 RATE THE SHOW 5 STARS <3 FOLLOW WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR PODCASTS. I LOVE UUU
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy35m - Jan 25, 2026
