You have pulled the Farmer, which represents industrial reapers, endless chores, and market stalls! You are salt of the earth and pepper of the underworld. Demons and devils and everything in between line up in droves to enjoy your horrid crops (only the best of the worst for the worst folks around!) Naturally, it's hard work keeping Hell fed, and your work is often underappreciated. Don't let any human or bully plants boss you around - you've got the toughest most calloused hands in this realm. This is a reminder to keep toiling and trudging, it only makes your cornucopia that much more disgusting! So sharpen up that pitchfork, chomp on some rat knuckles, and pop some barbed wire berries into your cornhole with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and horrifying horticulturist Scott Piebenga!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Brian Pontiac: Scott Piebenga

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Fashion Intern, which represents coffee runs, runways, and raw denim sleep jeans! Slay! Sashay! Shantay you stay in eternal damnation! You are always dressed to impress...unfortunately you are cursed to a lifetime of striving to impress anyone and everyone. A 2.5-inch zipper doesn't begin to cover the amount of busy work piled onto your plate. Even when you're doing all the thinking for high-end designers, it doesn't stop you from crafting your own creations! And it shouldn't! You've got the world on a string (thread…bobbin…spool…ANYWAY!) It's too bad no one on Earth cared much for your unique designs, but not everyone can be a trendsetter! Maybe you've just got one hell of a sense of style. The Devil does indeed wear Prada, but you can always party in your birthday suit with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and haute couture hellion Devin Henderson!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Bobby Le Bobby: Devin Henderson

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Rug, a reminder that you aren't a total pushover even though you let people walk all over you! Don't wring out your tassels in shame. You're a testament to how much patience a floor mat can practice, considering the variety of gross happenings that have occured on you. You tend to bring out the worst in people, but at least you get to watch whatever is on TV while it's happening! Just remember that your variety of stains only makes you a tapestry of many colors and stories. You reject that typical beige-gray lifestyle in favor of being a rainbow of dirt and filth...but a rainbow nonetheless! So book your flight to Florida, commit some light onanism, and invite Pauly Shore to roll up with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and low-pile layabout John Garguilo!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Ruj the Cursed Rug: Jorin Garguilo

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Alien, which represents continued education, SoCal surf fashion, and force choking! You're quite an extraverted extraterrestrial, making everyone feel appreciated with your amazing ability to read everyone's mind. You're incredible at assimilating to life (death!) and the creatures in Earth's Hell, even though you're light years beyond them in intelligence! You love to live, laugh, learn about other cultures and revel in their humor - turns out joke probing feels the same in every galaxy! Even though you may be a model specimen (see: JCPenny's catalog), not everything about you seamlessly blends in (see: knife hand). So get your library card and your real estate license and rent out the universe with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and intergalactic gal Michelle Lerch!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Snorky: Michelle Lerch

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled The Imp (Reversed), which represents teenage angst, human studies, and techno most foul! Listener, beware - let this card be a warning to you! You are raving down the wrong road and there's no amount of post-nut clarity or cool as hell drugs that can draw you back into the boiling hot embrace of eternal darkness. And don't get it twisted: censoring your swears, doing close-up magic, and making dirty song parodies isn't going to bring you into your mentor's good graces! Even if he's not your real dad, you should look to the ranks above you, e.g. a little stinker, for inspiration. You're so close to earning all 666 of those hell college credits, so stick to the syllabus for your impternship and keep answering those emails for devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and world's best strepson Scoochie Boochie!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Ty Dewie the Imp: Scoochie Boochie

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You’ve selected The Doodle. Bark bark? Bark, bark bark. If that isn’t clear enough, not sure what is. But if you need the extra walkies, here’s the pooper scoop: you’re a force to be reckoned with and a boss bitch to boot. Just try to remember that when you lose your cool, someone might lose a finger. You’re a true Parisian and foodie with a flair for the psychotic. But at your core, you just want to be loved. Underneath that blood stained fur coat, your heart is as pure as your inbred, overpopulated breed. So grab a human femur to gnaw on and call it puppy love with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton and cutie pupper doggo, Haley Karlson!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Teeny Mimi: Haley Karlson

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Trophy Maker, and my what a good sport you are. You have a love for the game, especially if that game involves the bones of your enemies. Call it a praise kink or call it a kind heart, you’re always there to celebrate and support whoever walks through your door. Because after all, even losers need loving or you’d run out of customers... Reward yourself with a hot chocolate every once in a while and always remember to celebrate the prize pig that you are. Go team! Don’t let the haters tear you and your freaky body down, keep that DIY hustle going strong and give some soft applause for participation to devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and first place finisher, Will Morris!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Lundbin Gorse: Will Morris

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Improviser, a man about town if that town were a dark and sticky theatre that your one friend invited you to on a random Thursday one time. You’ve got a keen ear for listening and a sense of humility that lets the world know you do not care about its Stephen King references. Patience and long term dedication to your art form mean you’ve met a devil or two, but are always able to keep cool in the face of suggestions like “laser dildo.” No flannel is too fierce, no “zip” is too “zap”, and the only thing stopping you from climbing your way to the top is damnation itself. Get your tickets and prepare those palms for clappin’ with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and "Yes and" fiend, Ollie Hobson!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Dylan Vermooouth: Ollie Hobson

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Abigail, a reminder that the only thing hotter than you are the friends and villagers you've immolated. You're the 17th century's answer to Regina George, and you totally give the term Burn Book a whole new meaning. So fetch! Just don't be boring - you've got plenty of followers who hang on your every word. And your words are so very powerful! Manifest! Persecute! Like and subscribe! But before you start streaming, be sure to check the vibes and try not to be so judgmental, girl - you are a good Christian, after all, with just a hint of bloodlust. Whether it's planning a fake party or pining after your boyfriend, the limit does not exist when it comes to the lengths you'll go to to make yourself the center of attention. So fasten your bonnet, subtweet your enemies, and apologize for swearing with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and Boston witch bitch Elim Almedom!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Abigail: Elim Almedom

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Omen Child, which represents sweet innocence, Catholic church, and horrifying murderous impulses! You are a total sicko, a real psychopath, but the most accomplished amateur surgeon to come out of St. Xavier's School for Boys nonetheless! Maybe it's your midcentury upbringing or perhaps your adorable demeanor, but you are the most wholesome rebirth of the anti-Christ this side of Hell's Mississippi! Gee whiz, you're a real whippersnapper, but don't forget to stay humble! Remember, you don't even have armpit hair yet and you're already aware that you need to see the life drain out of something's eyes in order to feel alive. Golly-gosh-olly, that's one dilly of a pickle! So grab some penny candies, resist stealing from the collection plate, and let boys be scary little boys with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and maniacal mischief maker Mary Lou!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

PJ: Mary Lou

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Hamster, which represents tiny tracksuits, tinier pinkie rings, and one humungous attitude! You may be a 5-inch long rodent, but you'd never be caught ratting on anyone. You're no stunad! In fact, you're a bit like a shark - always moving to stay alive, scurrying, rolling around in that big plastic ball of yours. Good thing there's a whole hairy world out there for you to explore! No time for hesitation though: you've only got a 2-3 year average lifespan, so don't let it go to waste. And stay cautious of getting caught up in anyone's preconceived notions; after all, you're the belle of the ball, not some pirate on a plank! So slick back your fur, grab a meatball parm, and stuff your big ol' cheeks with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and pestilent pet Elizabeth Andrews!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Rocko The Hammy Gambino: Elizabeth Andrews

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Caligula, a sign that you're the dungeon master of your domain! Your name may mean "little boots", but you've left behind some big shoes to fill (and you know what they say about big shoes...big orthotics). You're not just a ruler - you've got that sick and twisted entrepreneurial spirit that only a select few in history have acted on. Don't let any haters get you down or kink shame you - you go ahead and plaster your name on whatever theme park, tabletop game, and board member's title you feel like because that's your sick nasty prerogative. And remember: if you stay titillated, you don't got to get titillated! So be coy but don't behave, punch up your porno jokes, and toast up some Caligula-tarts with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and cruel and unusual Clayton Margeson!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Caligula: Clayton Margeson

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Midwest Ghost, a reminder that you've still got time to embrace and explore all your interests because hobbies don't stop when you leave this mortal coil! Keep those creative juices flowing and start making a bucket list now, that way you'll have plenty to do after spooking folks becomes passé. You're a hardworking everyman, though your corporeal form is lacking. As wispy as you may be, you're still a sturdy spirit with a good-natured disposition; you have the innate ability to make friends and haunt everyone you come in contact with, be they alien, yeti, or cryptid! So wipe the ketchup off your humans, play a few rounds of euchre, and explore some horrifyingly beautiful national parks because the underworld is your oyster with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and affable apparition Alex Klier!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Barney the Ghost: Alex Klier

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Funk Icon, which represents attitude, eroticism, and a severe peanut allergy! Even if you can't eat nuts, you can still go nuts on your eternal bass and turn everybody on with your funkadelic presence. Touching all available hips and hearts, you are a smooth operator even in your advanced age! You have the inherent gift of mixing all the finest things together (pleather seats, scented candles, groovy sunglasses, and abbreviated phrases) and melding them into one velvety cosmic slop. Remember that you got to get up to get down, but don't let anyone's lack of rhythm and soul get you down dirty! Rise above it all in your highest platform shoes and keep it tight in your bootiest booty shorts with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and boogie oogie boogeyman Ric Walker!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Maceo Del Puddin: Ric Walker

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Caesar, a sign to embrace your inner emperor and lay down the law! You rule with an iron fist, a crown of laurels, and a secret ingredient (spoiler alert: it's anchovies). But you're more than just a delicious salad, a hardcore surgery, and one of Cleopatra's many lovers - you're also a proud Charli XCX superfan! But brat beware: sometimes your call to power can lead to your downfall - that's when your frenemies swoop in and get stabby. Maybe wear some protective gear beneath that flowing toga of yours? So grab a couple Hot-n-Ready pizza pizzas, shave off that uggo moustache, and "Rome" if you want to with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and conqueror most foul George Elrod!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Julius Caesar: George Elrod

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Veterinarian, a reminder of how naturally taking care of others comes to you (humans not included). You are a distinguished softie, helping and healing all creatures big and small and demonic! You take your title very seriously - you're a doctor, after all, and an HTML coding queen. It's no surprise you're in everyone's Top 8! As a nurturer, keep in mind that it's just as important to get as it is to give - get your taxes done and get some real nurses in your practice! We don't want another scandal on our hands, unless Kerry Washington is at the helm. So take a flea bath, maintain a friendly distance from your serpentine neighbor, and enjoy Al Pacino in The Irishman with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and venerable vixen Kimberly Michelle Vaughn!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Dr. Lorraine Shawl: Kimberly Michelle Vaughn

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Filmmaker, which represents classic Hollywood, critical acclaim, and comedians as action stars! You're in your glamorous golden age, smearing your talent across the sensational silver screen. Everyone fears and admires you and your many notable works, even if they can only name one. You have the natural ability to sense the mise-en-scene of the underworld and a cereal mascot's cinematic potential. Just don't get wrapped up in what the critics say - you're a real rosebud. Camera rolling! Sound speeding! And...settle into the casting couch with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and infernal auteur Kyle Romero! Action!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Orson Welles: Kyle Romero

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer & Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Cockroach, a sign that you are resilient, fiesty, and a real thinker. Though your stature may be small, your wisdom is vast - you have the innate ability to really *see* people, and your compound eyes definitely help. Despite your Kafkaesque appearance, you manage to put a smile on faces with your buoyant personality and calming demeanor - unless you're litigating! Sure, you scurry...into the hearts and psyches of those who surround you! This is a call to develop that sixth sense of yours and let your intuition guide you into realms unknown. So grab a handful of crystals, let the body keep score, and get taken to court by devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and itsy bitsy creepy crawler Audrey Carter!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Dr. Abnor Stibbens: Audrey Carter

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Ambassador, a reminder that you are heaven-sent, even if you prefer to spend your time living it up in the underworld! You're the intermediary between the Divine, Hellmanity, and humankind - you're a true chaotic neutral with good looks to boot. What's not to love? BOSTON. Anywho...you are simultaneously the yin and yang, the darkness and the light, the creamed corn and the Cleveland. Your dual nature, grace, and charm lends itself to obsession by mere mortals and a certain Son of God - clearly you put the body in celestial body, diva! So send a biblically-accurate nude, swear to your heart's content (or at least try to swear), and pop in the Kelsey Grammar movie of your choice with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and saintly sinner Sage Huston!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Serafina Byzantium: Sage Huston

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Game Show Host, a sign to buzz in and hit those whammies because you're the biggest loser, contestant number 666! You're a real charmer, schmoozing with network execs and kissing everyone's family members. Just be careful not to cause a feud...unless it bumps the ratings! You may just be the announcer, but at the end of the show, you're the real prize! Never take for granted all the work you've put into your profession and the work you've done to your sleek and horrifying body. So grab your microphone, polish your daytime Emmy (it's still an Emmy!), and come on downnnnnn to Hell with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and master of infernal ceremonies Will Morris!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Graggle Handsburg: Will Morris

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod