Did I Want HIM—or Did I Want Marriage? | Divorce, Motherhood & Starting Over (Ep 117)

What happens when you realize you may have loved what your marriage REPRESENTED more than the relationship itself?

Jacquie Langworthy grew up in a loving two-parent household with highly involved parents. That upbringing shaped her expectations for marriage, family and what her future was “supposed” to look like.

So when she reached her late 20s, marriage felt like the natural next step.

But looking back, Jacquie can now ask a much harder question:

Did I deeply love the man—or did I love the idea of marriage, family and what we represented together?

In this candid conversation on The Secret Formula of Femininity, licensed psychologist Dr. Nicole Monteiro sits down with education entrepreneur, mother and Raising Scholars host Jacquie Langworthy to talk about marriage, divorce, motherhood, over-functioning, parenting guilt and rebuilding a life that no longer looks the way you originally imagined it would.

Jacquie opens up about:

❤️ Growing up with parents who modeled commitment and involvement—but not necessarily healthy conflict

❤️ Meeting her former husband at Essence Fest

❤️ The social pressure she felt to marry in her late 20s

❤️ Realizing she may have been more attached to what the relationship represented than to the relationship itself

❤️ Traditional gender-role expectations inside a marriage where she was also financially contributing

❤️ Over-functioning in marriage and motherhood

❤️ Divorcing when her children were 6 and 7

❤️ The guilt she carried about the moments she believed her children missed because of the divorce

❤️ Raising children after divorce—and watching them become young adults

❤️ Learning to stop doing everything for her children and allow them to develop independence

❤️ The pulmonary embolism during pregnancy that forced a woman accustomed to doing everything to slow down

❤️ How homeschooling ultimately helped lead her toward entrepreneurship and opening her Kumon center

❤️ What she's learned from raising children who are now 19 and 20

❤️ Becoming open to intentional dating and relationships again

❤️ What she understands about love, marriage and herself now that she didn't understand in her 20s

One of the most important ideas in this conversation is that growing up in a two-parent household can give us a model for commitment without necessarily giving us a model for everything healthy relationships require.

Children need to see love.

But they also learn from watching adults disagree, repair, apologize, communicate needs and navigate conflict.

And for women accustomed to handling everything, there's another question worth asking:

When does being capable turn into over-functioning?

Sometimes the patterns that help us succeed professionally can become exhausting inside our relationships and families.

Jacquie’s story isn't about whether divorce is success or failure.

It's about examining the expectations we inherit, the choices we make, what we learn when life doesn't follow the original plan—and who we become afterward.

🎙️ ABOUT Jacquie LANGWORTHY

Jacquie Langworthy is an education entrepreneur, mother and host of the Raising Scholars podcast. She has owned the Kumon Math and Reading Center of Crofton since 2011 and founded the Elevate Education Initiative, a nonprofit focused on closing educational gaps for Black and Brown students.

Her journey as a mother—including homeschooling her own children—helped shape the work she now does with families and students.

💬 JOIN THE CONVERSATION:

Do you think people sometimes marry because they're ready for MARRIAGE before they've determined whether they're with the right PERSON?

And for those who grew up with married parents:

What did their marriage teach you about relationships—and what did you have to learn for yourself?

Subscribe to The Secret Formula of Femininity for conversations about the psychology of healthy love, marriage, dating, relationships, motherhood, boundaries and building a fulfilling life without losing yourself.

#Marriage #Divorce #RelationshipPsychology #HealthyRelationships #DatingAfterDivorce #Motherhood #RelationshipAdvice #Overfunctioning