“My ex told me I have a wide vagina. Am I normal?” That’s this week’s listener confession. And after six years of reading listener messages, we can tell you with certainty that some version of “is my vagina normal?” is the single most-asked question we get. SO HERE WE GO. We dive into the medical facts (we looked them up), the biology, and the much bigger issue we need to be addressing: why men go straight for comments about our bodies when they want to hurt us and how to stop letting it get to you.

We Cover:

• The medical truth on “wide set vaginas” (spoiler: Mean Girls lied, it isn’t a real term, and here’s what Dr. Jennifer Wider actually says about vaginal diameter)
• Why your physiology (aka AROUSAL) might be the reason he felt “less friction” 
• The reason insulting a woman’s body is a shitty man's go to when they want to hurt you
• The reframe every vagina owner NEEDS to internalize... your vagina is normal, your labia are normal, your taste and smell are normal, all of it
• What to actually do if there IS a real size mismatch in a relationship (there are a thousand solutions, we cover a few)
• AND why even if you DO have a wide vagina it literally doesn't matter, and you are perfection personified 

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast.

If you're in the Portland, OR area don't forget to join our "Portland, OR Girlies" group chat in our Instagram bio!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Rock-solid confidence, sex you genuinely enjoy, and healthier relationships all start with actually knowing yourself. This week, Em & Cass are talking with Laura Rubin, a creative coach, journaling expert, and founder of AllSwell Creative. She’s led breakthrough writing workshops for tens of thousands of people, been covered by The New York Times, Washington Post, Vogue, and Forbes, and built a career blending neuroscience and mindfulness to prove that writing by hand actually rewires how you think and feel. She joins Em and Cass to share how journaling can become the catalyst for confident decisions, healthier relationships, and better conversations in bed.

If you're thinking...

• “I always start a journal, go hard for a week, and quit.” Laura's got a 4-minute practice that will literally rock your world and make journaling feel practical and accessible. 
• “I don't even know what I would write about." Laura shares specific prompts to help you navigate your trickiest intimacy moments (when you don’t like how you look naked, when you have no idea what turns you on, when you can’t tell what’s yours vs. what you’ve been told to want). 
• “Isn’t this just more wellness bullshit?” Laura didn't come here to BS. She's sharing the science-backed, FREE methods to actually change your life both in the bedroom and beyond.
• “Will this actually change anything in my sex life or my relationships?” Yes. Press play already.

Connect with Laura and AllSwell Creative on Instagram and on her website.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast.

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Last week, a top couples therapist presented us with the research. This week it’s just us, no therapist in the room, trading what has actually worked in our own long-term relationships (and what has very much not). Cass gets into her current trying-list for keeping sex alive when she's tired, parenting, and has nothing left. Em gets into how she ruined sex for herself in past relationships without even realizing it. Cass opens up for the first time, with her husband’s permission, about his bipolar diagnosis and the “my person wouldn’t do that” story she had to let go of to stay married. For anyone who felt called tf out by last week's episode and wants the unqualified besties version.

What you’ll learn:

• The two “secrets” we’re actually using to keep our relationships alive and thriving (tbh therapists might not agree lol)
• Cass’s current trying-list for keeping sex alive 10 years into her long-term love (pink pill, non-sexual touch, accountability for her desire, and actually using the resources we talk about)
• Why using sex as a repair tool is the fastest way to kill it, and what to use it for instead
• How to tell when you’ve slipped into a story about your partner (“they don’t get me,” “my person wouldn’t do that”) and how to quit before it ruins your relationship
• Our actual rules for what you can and can’t tell your friends about fights with your partner
• The habits we each need to kick to feel like adults in our relationships (one of us is lazy, one of us is a control freak)
• The very petty list of what the men we’ve slept with need to start doing to qualify as grownups

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast.

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Zach Brittle is a Gottman-certified couples therapist in Seattle, host of Marriage Therapy Radio, and author of the upcoming book Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes. He's been happily married for 27 of 30 years (as in he GETS IT and has actually done the work) and has interviewed hundreds of couples, which means when he talks about relationships, he's not guessing. He joins Em and Cass for a no-bullshit conversation about what actually makes long-term love work.

What you'll learn:

• How to actually build a thriving long-term relationship (and the two things most couples get wrong)
• Why "spontaneous sex" is a lie you've been mourning for no reason, and what to replace it with
• The exact sex negotiation one of his couples swears by (and how to steal it)
• Why learning the difference between physical intimacy that isn't sexual and sexual intimacy that isn't physical will completely change your sex life
• How to spot negative sentiment override in your own relationship (and why it's turning every "how was your day" into a fight)
• The one mindset shift that will change everything: why your relationship is NOT a zero-sum game, and nobody has to lose for you to win

Find Zach at @marriagetherapyradio on Instagram, listen to Marriage Therapy Radio every Tuesday, and pre-order Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes out in April.

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

One of you confessed: "I fear I'll never truly feel hot or sexy, and admitting that makes me feel even more lame." Em and Cass dive into why hotness feels like a make-or-break game we literally can't win: the impossible standards, the "hot girls are just born that way" myth, the way our attractiveness has been sold to us as our only real form of power, and why insecurity itself has somehow become the ugliest thing you can admit to. They get into the "am I f*ckable" question at the root of it all, the glow-up TikToks we've all saved, the effort we don't want to have to put in, and the small practices that have actually made them feel better (and hotter).

Introducing our new monthly segment where YOU send in the anonymous confessions you can't tell anyone else, and we give you the honest reaction, advice, and pep talk you'd get if you sent it to your group chat. Submit yours at the link in our bio or HERE!

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We’re digging into the Honey Archives to bring back one of our favorite conversations, and one we think everyone could use a little refresher on.

Anna Kai, creator of Maybe Both and one of our favorite internet hype women, joins us for a brutally honest conversation about confidence, self-worth, comparison, and figuring out who the hell you are when life doesn’t look the way you thought it would.

If you’ve been feeling behind, questioning your worth, comparing your timeline to everyone else’s, or simply need a reminder that you don’t have to earn your right to feel good about yourself... consider this episode your confidence reset.

In this episode, we cover:

• What we should ACTUALLY be focusing on in our 20s
• How to build self-worth when yours feels nonexistent
• What to tell yourself when everyone else seems “ahead”
• Navigating rock bottom and finding your footing again
• Getting off the comparison train
• Letting go of the need to be liked by everyone
• Embracing the freedom of your 20s — single OR partnered

An oldie, a goodie, and your reminder to stop measuring your life against everyone else’s. 💛

Connect with Anna:

Listen to Brutally Anna

Connect on TikTok 

Visit her website HERE! 

Keep up with Honeydew Me:

• On Instagram
• On TikTok 
• On YouTube

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Aja Vines... intuitive guide, oracle reader, and self-appointed "rebirth doula" who has personally survived approximately 100 identity pivots and expects to survive 100 more before she leaves this earth. She joins Em and Cass for a shamelessly real conversation about big pivots. Together they unpack why leaving something without a backup plan is sometimes the most sane thing you can do, why publicly changing your mind feels humiliating (and you should absolutely do it anyway), and how to tell the difference between burnout that needs rest and a real 'this chapter is over' kind of moment.

Emma unpacks her year of unemployment, Cass gets called out on tearing herself down mid-pivot, and Aja closes with a live oracle reading for anyone on a journey right now (or about to start one).

Find Aja on TikTok @ajavines and book a reading with her here!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Serena F*cking Kerrigan... your favorite creator and soon to be new favorite author of the upcoming book Let's F*cking Date. A dating bible for all our girlies who are currently in the "trenches" of the dating world and looking for a way to "become the prize, enjoy the ride, and never settle again." She joins Em and Cass for a ZERO BS breakdown of everything we're getting wrong about dating, from why "waiting for your person" is a trap that will basically ruin your life, to how having a roster will kill off any remnants of your scarcity mentality. Plus, Emma reports back on the date she went on SPECIFICALLY to try out Serena's rules, and they rapid-fire the red flags every 30-something should probably already know. Find Serena on Instagram at @serenakerrigan and pre-order Let's F*cking Date wherever you get your books.

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

A listener wrote in mortified: "I do stuff in fights with my boyfriend that I would be so embarrassed for my friends to find out about. Very petty shit. Bringing up things from years ago, silent treatment, crying to get my way. Am I just an immature bitch?" We dive in head first with our own worst fighting confessions, from slamming doors to walking away for attention. Spoiler: we've done all of it. Then we get into why we do this shit in the first place and what actually helped us move from "immature bitches" to "slightly more mature bitches."

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

A listener wrote in, and she's pissed. She's been dropping spicy hints like nobody's business (wearing what he likes, flirty comments, changing with the door open), and her partner isn't picking up on any of them. She wants him to initiate. She wants to feel pursued. And yes, she knows she could just ask. Em and Cass get into how we all still want a mind-reader, the community polls (62% of you drop hints instead of asking for sex, 85% want your partner to initiate more), and how to actually build a communication style that doesn't require your partner to be Edward fucking Cullen.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Alyssa Ljub is an intimacy and relationship expert who coaches dozens of couples a day in her role as a concierge at Arya. She joins Em and Cass to unpack the biggest hurdles couples hit when it comes to sex, why scheduling sex is FAR from unsexy, the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire, and the most common ways rejection shows up in long-term relationships. Find Alyssa at @alyssaljub on Instagram and TikTok and Arya at arya.fyi.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dr. Justin Garcia is the Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, chief scientific advisor to Match, and the author of the new book The Intimate Animal. He joins Em and Cass for a wide-ranging conversation on why modern intimacy feels so hard, and why he's optimistic about it anyway.

They get into the intimacy crisis (why we can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely), the "all-or-nothing" marriage model that's crushing modern relationships, the real story behind the sex recession and why declining frequency might not be a bad thing, the biology of monogamy versus sexual novelty (and the three ways couples navigate that tension), why 80% of marriages actually got stronger during the pandemic, and how dating apps are breaking our brains by tricking us into thinking every person is disposable. Plus the stat that 70% of people become deeply attracted to someone they didn't initially think they would, why the "work on yourself first" culture might be keeping you single, and the line Justin's built his relationship advice around: the grass is greener where you water it.

Find The Intimate Animal wherever you get your books, and Dr. Justin Garcia on Instagram at @drjustingarcia.

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE WhisperVibe™ OR a FREE Rose toy with any Whisper™ order!
https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/honeydewme-pod

Want to come to our next IRL event? Follow us on Instagram @honeydewmepodcast.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

A listener wrote in asking about a version of jealousy a lot of us are ashamed to admit: "I don't feel excited when good things happen to my friends anymore. Engagements, promotions, pregnancies, whatever. I fake it every time and feel like a monster." Em and Cass dive in head first with their own confessions, including the jealousy they've felt toward each other, which they've never actually shared until now.

They read the community polls (89% of you compare yourselves to your friends), read anonymous submissions on comparing looks, cars, and friend groups, and lasty run a rapid-fire agree/disagree round on when jealousy crosses the line.

Come to "Bouquets & Besties" on Sunday, August 9th in Portland, Oregon! Get your tickets HERE!

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Brooke Bralove has spent 22 years as a sex therapist helping women figure out what's actually going on when desire disappears. Her take: your desire isn't broken or gone, it's just stuck. She joins Em and Cass to talk about why the sex we had at the beginning of a relationship isn't coming back (and why we need to grieve that), why "just try to be in the mood" is terrible advice, and how a new kind of therapy called ART is helping women unstick everything from low libido to body image spirals in as little as one session.

Find Brooke at brookebralove.com and @brookebralovepsychotherapy on Instagram.

Want to hang out IRL?! Come to our event "Bouquets & Besties" on Aug. 9th 2026. Get your tickets HERE!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We all want closer friendships, but too few of us are actually having the conversations that would get us there. This week Em and Cass answer a listener question about how to have hard conversations with friends, and get into the years they spent hiding things from each other: postpartum shame, a months-long sex-life crisis, feeling left out, feeling jealous, feeling like too much.

They read the community polls (68% of you have lied about how good your sex life is, 85% of you have hidden a relationship problem from your friends because you didn't want them to judge your partner) and answer five anonymous confessions, from the friend who's secretly not excited when her friends get pregnant, to the woman who hooked up with her friend's boyfriend before they started dating, to the one where you don't know how to tell your friend she isn't showing up.

For anyone who's been biting their tongue with their best friend because they were scared of what the honesty would cost, this epi is for you, babe.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast and subscribe to our Patreon for exclusive content and ad free episodes.

Want to submit a question or story? Do it anonymously HERE.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

HOT RELATIONSHIP TIP: fighting isn’t a bad thing… but you do need to learn how to fight fair. Emmalee Bierly, LMFT and Jennifer Chaiken, LMFT of Shrink Chicks are back and this time they’re sharing their expert tips on how to fight. We cover: -Why fighting is actually a part of a healthy relationship -How to fight fair -How to regulate your emotions during a fight -Scripts for expressing your feelings and apologizing -What resentment can look like and how it manifests in our relationships -The grief that comes along with committing to a long term relationship

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE Rose suction toy with their order!
https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/honeydewme-pod

Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dr. Adi Jaffe has a PhD in psychology from UCLA, is a TEDx speaker, and founded IGNTD, a platform reframing how we talk about addiction, shame, and recovery. He joins Em and Cass for a wide-ranging conversation on addiction, mental health, and the skill nobody teaches us: how to sit with discomfort instead of running from it.

They get into what addiction actually is, why so many of us are quietly struggling with some version of it, and why the behaviors we lean on to cope (porn, drinking, doom scrolling, work) all trace back to the same thing. Adi walks them through what happens in a relationship when one person uses those behaviors to avoid intimacy, how shame keeps people stuck, and his framework for working through it. 

Find Dr. Adi at adijaffe.com and on Instagram at @dradijaffe. Unhooked is wherever you get your books.

Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

A listener's boyfriend called her high maintenance in front of his friends, and now she's second-guessing everything. Em and Cass are here to break it down and help her figure it out. They share the results of their (very amateur) research... because it turns out 60% of you have also been called high maintenance. They read your stories, come clean about their own, and get honest about the ways in which they truly are a little hard to maintain. Lastly, they reframe the concept of being "too much" and remind you that the best shit always has more needs.

Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Laura Federico is a certified sex therapist. Morgan Miller is a certified professional midwife who runs a birth center in Maine. They've been friends since their early twenties and recently co-authored "The Cycle Book," a guide and tracking tool built to teach people about their hormones before they're in crisis. They join Em and Cass to talk about why most of us only learn about our cycles when something is already wrong, and what changes when you actually understand what your body is doing.

From there, they get into the trap of cycle-syncing programs (the seed cycling, the diets, the "stay in bed during your luteal phase" advice), why ovulation deserves way more attention than it gets, the cervical fluid biomarker nobody was taught about in middle school, and why the natural-versus-unnatural binary is a red flag every time. They explain why they're fans of tracking your cycle even on hormonal birth control, what they actually think of Oura Rings, and the stat about period tracking apps that should be on every billboard (they're 21% accurate at predicting ovulation, and your data is being bought and sold).

You can find "The Cycle Book" wherever books are sold, and Laura and Morgan at itslauraandmorgan.com and on Instagram at @itslauraandmorgan.

Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

A listener wrote in about her upcoming girls' weekend. The rental has a hot tub, everyone's going to be in bikinis, and she's nervous about how she looks in a bathing suit. Em and Cass share their own experiences navigating this exact scenario, plus a few tips for managing the anxiety without limiting your damn life.

From there, Cass walks us all through her recent nose job: why she wanted it, the cost breakdown, post-anesthesia antics and the healing process.

Emma shares the story of Elise Ottesen-Jensen, a Swedish journalist and anarchist who started teaching women about their bodies in the early 1900s and went on to co-found the International Planned Parenthood Federation. 

They close with a "normalize-this" segment on what summer bodies actually look like, plus listener hot takes (i.e. FREE THE BUSH).

Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Vinted: https://www.vinted.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy