How to Know When Something's a Good Thing

You know when something's a big part of your life. But how do you know what to do if something isn't a good thing for you? Start to tease out the answer to that in this week's episode.

Transcript:

You’ll know that something’s a good thing when it aligns with your natural affinities. You’ll know that something aligns with your natural affinities when it meets the following three traits:

1. It leaves you feeling good
2. It comes to you as naturally as breathing
3. It’s so fun for you that you’d do it even if you weren’t being paid

I think it’s safe to assume - and correct me if I’m wrong - that when something makes you feel like crap every time you do it, it’s not a good thing. Plus, we don’t need to set ourselves up for a life of struggle as we do things that we’re not suited for. Finally, if we don’t like what we’re doing, our situation sucks. Things that consistently leave you feeling awful, struggling to do them right, and aren’t at all enjoyable may or may not be useful. But they shouldn’t be the foundations upon which you build your life.  

For example, let’s say that your whole family is composed of highly paid lawyers who belong to prestigious firms. Naturally, everyone assumes that you’ll be a lawyer too. But when you hear their stories, you feel icky about the moral compromises they make to achieve their wins. When you fall in line and go to law school, your classes are terrifyingly difficult; you don’t have the knack. And when you graduate and begin to practice law yourself, you find every minute of your day misery-inducing. It seems that your fit in your family, your efforts as you clawed your way through law school, and your reputation rest on being an excellent lawyer.

Meanwhile, in your spare time, you entertain and soothe yourself by making spreadsheets. You love formatting them, laying them out to look attractive, and setting them up to be easy to use. Your head for numbers - apparent even from the early years of elementary school - allows you to spend endless hours of free time riveted by understanding, setting up, and tweaking your system of personal finances. When your best friend’s small business loses one bookkeeper after another, you enjoy filling in the gaps by pitching in when you can to look over their books, and you wave away offers of payment because you love the puzzles and laying out everything so it’s easily understood.

It’s really clear. You’d be an excellent bookkeeper, or financial adviser, or accountant. But you’re stuck over in lawyer-land.

If you decided to begin living an Unforced Garden life, you might consider shifting your priorities over toward bookkeeping. You might take the pay cut, stay strong in the face of the shock of your family and friends, move to a smaller place, and gradually shift your hours over from lawyering to bookkeeping. Bookkeeping is fun and effortless for you. You feel fulfilled when the numbers sing out clear and true. And you look forward to work.

Ultimately, you know that something’s a good thing for you when it leaves you feeling good, it’s easy for you, and it’s really fun. This may come at the expense of social backlash, less money, or embarrassment. But it’s worth it. So be a little brave. Shift your priorities from something you do based on external expectations, and move those priorities over to something that is a good thing for you. At your own pace, of course.

So here’s your homework for this week: identify one thing you do because of the expectations of others. Decide to move your energy and attention away from that. Then select one thing that you suspect might be a good thing for you, and audition it - put your attention and energy on it and see how it makes you feel, if it’s easy, and if it’s fun. If it is, consider keeping it on.

That’s the end of this episode. If you enjoyed it, please share it with a friend.

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