E69: Why Are You Apologizing Right Now? (Enneagram Take on Over-Apologizing, Shame, and Authenticity)
On a dock after a walk-run and coffee in Wisconsin summer, Tannah and Holly introduce their podcast, Enneagram Adventure, explaining that as IEQ9-certified Enneagram coaches they use the Enneagram to explore core motivations rather than surface behaviors. They unpack a Joe Hudson post about how people “hear someone’s childhood” in their apologies, linking apology patterns to shame: over-apologizing after one mistake, pre-apologizing (“sorry to bother you”) from feeling guilty for taking up space, and refusing or deflecting accountability (“sorry you feel that way”) from associating apologies with blame. Through an Enneagram lens, they discuss how different numbers and stances might lean toward these patterns, share personal examples (including Tannah’s tendency to apologize unnecessarily and her husband’s difficulty apologizing), and emphasize discerning true harm from merely making someone uncomfortable while living more authentically.
00:00 Dockside Intro Vibes
00:52 Podcast and Enneagram Basics
02:05 Why We Over Apologize
03:44 When Apologies Lose Meaning
04:46 Forgiveness and Self Forgiveness
06:12 Joe Hudson Apology Framework
08:05 Enneagram Types and Apology Styles
10:43 Real Life Eights and Nines
12:08 Receipts After Sorry
13:53 Stop Apologizing for Existing
15:13 Authenticity Versus People Pleasing
16:07 Knowing When You Owe One
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