#215 - When Your Child Gets Dropped From a Friend Group
How to help your child through exclusion without letting your own panic take over
I've been a parent on both sides of friendship exclusion. I've had kids who were left out, and I've had other parents upset with me. And I know how hard it can be to watch your child struggle socially without letting your own emotions take over. Sometimes our kids move on from a friendship disappointment long before we do!
My guest Andrea, founder of Strong Mom Strong Girl, knows what it's like when a child is deliberately pushed out of an established friend group. She now helps other mothers navigate these painful situations. Andrea and I make an important distinction between not being invited to everything (a normal part of life!) and being purposely dropped from a group. We also discuss why your child's friendship drama is not yours to "fix" in the way you might assume, even when it's affecting your own friendships, your sleep, and the atmosphere in your home.
Andrea reminds parents: "What you can do is show up as the best version of yourself so that your child can borrow your peace rather than pick up on your panic."
WE DISCUSS:
- Why having a friend group should NOT be the ultimate goal for our kids.
- The difference between ordinary disappointment, exclusion, and targeted mean behavior.
- Why Andrea advises against calling the other parents, even when you know them well.
- How our questions, facial expressions, and emotional reactions can make a difficult situation better or worse.
Andrea is sharing only her first name, and this episode is audio-only, to protect her family's privacy.
LINKS MENTIONED:
- Strong Mom Strong Girl on Instagram @strongmomstronggirl
- Dear Nina Episode 180: “Mean Mom Culture, Relational Aggression, and Belonging vs. Inclusion” with Dr. Noelle Santorelli.
- Katherine Martinko's article, "The Problem With Group Chats," which encourages delaying children's participation in group chats, not just delaying social media.
- The NPR/Ira Glass story: About middle schoolers using the comments on NPR's Instagram posts to communicate with one another, sometimes because they weren't allowed to use social media.
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Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!
